R.I.P Roxy

Left: in happier times, above is Thursday before I took her into the ER clinic.

On Thursday evening when I got home from work I fed Roxy and Sadie and then went to play with them outside when I realized Roxy's stomach was bleeding pretty badly. Her massive tumor had ulcerated (broken through the skin) where it became an open, bleeding wound. This was one of the progressions that actually would affect Roxy's quality of life and she would be in pain--it would only get worse from here. I began to realize that a masectomy would do no good at this point because the cancer has probably spread throughout her body and become very advanced in order to start protruding through the skin. I took her to the emergency center where they confirmed my fears. I didn't want Roxy to suffer, especially because it seemed she had suffered enough in her life already. But to look at her sweet face and know that it was the cruelty and neglect of humans that got her to this point was very sad to me. The vet told me that if a female dog is spayed before 2yrs, the chances of this happening are so rare. He also told me that it wasn't only having all of the litters that she had that did this, it was that she was not spayed when she was younger, in addition to her 6 litters, in addition to neglect of the first lumps that appeared (which are very easy to remove if done when they first appear). The hormone cycles of female dogs is what makes them prone to mammary tumors/cancer, and this is why spaying early on is so important. No one could really predict this outcome, how fast Roxy was progressing to death--but it ended up that she had the most deadly, aggressive, and malignant cancer possible. The vet was really surprised that we had only adopted her a month ago and asked why we would adopt a 7 yr old dog? He said most people stay away from "older" dogs and they are usually euthanized anyways. I had thought about this before and also wondered why I was drawn to sicker, older, uglier, or whatever they are labeled dogs, I told him that if I didn't who would. Yes, I could walk away when I'm at Pet Smart and see a rescue group with a bunch of dogs, and sometimes I have to because I can't save them all. But when I can I have to because I've learned enough about life to know that most people either don't care, can't, or rationalize that someone else will do it. I always knew that just wasn't me, even if it's one at a time--it's never failed that they give us great memories and make us happy. Even with only a month with Roxy, we got so much more from her than we gave her. I read a quote once that said, "When we choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live in a fragile circle, easily and often breached--unable to accept it's awful gaps--we still would live no other way." My comfort is that Roxy knew love, good food, a cool place to sleep, a soft bed, treats, and lots of hugs before she left this earth. Jackson gave her his truck and stuffed snoopy as I took her to the emergency room and told her to feel better and he was sorry she had a disease (pronounced dizzies, and I imagined him thinking she had been spinning in circles too long). When I came home I told him that Roxy did feel better know (she was euthanized at the emergency center), but she had to go live in heaven with Jesus in order to feel better. He asked where heaven was and said he wanted to go too so he could see her. I told him we can't see her but she can see us and we went outside and laid on the grass, looked up at the sky and blew kisses to her and yelled we love you Roxy! We have since had to do this every evening and morning since--and sometimes in between.

WARNING: Graphic pictures below!!!

Roxy's mangled stomach